What Will Trump Do Next to Raise Funds? A Glimpse into the Future

After the sneaker debacle, Trump has gone back to the drawing board for some new ideas to generate some capital.

Libby Winkler

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Photo by XXWW on Unsplash

Disclaimer: This article is satire as of the writing, but who knows at this point?

What will Trump do next to raise funds? A glimpse into the future

In the ever-unpredictable saga of American politics, one figure stands out for his unparalleled ability to keep the public guessing: Donald Trump.

As he eyes potential future endeavors, the question on everyone’s lips isn’t just “What will he do next?” but “How will he fund it?”

Trump Steaks: The Comeback

Remember Trump Steaks? Well, they’re making a grand comeback, but with a twist. In a bid to appeal to a more diverse audience, Trump is set to launch a line of plant-based steaks. Yes, you read that right. The new “Trump Tofu Steaks” are marketed as “The Best Steaks on the Plant…et.”

Each steak comes with a complimentary bottle of “Trump Water,” sourced directly from the fountain of youth (or so the label claims).

Trump University 2.0: Learn the Art of the Deal

Trump University is back, but not as you know it.

This time, it’s an online-only institution offering courses in “Creative Fundraising Strategies” and “Advanced Tweeting for Influence and Impact.”

Graduates receive a NFT diploma, personally tweeted out by Trump, ensuring a retweet storm and instant viral fame. Special scholarships are available for anyone who can prove they’ve successfully changed a liberal’s mind on Twitter.

The Trump Monopoly Game

In a strategic partnership with Hasbro, Trump is set to release his own version of Monopoly.

Forget Boardwalk and Park Place; players will vie for properties like Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower. The game features unique Trumpian twists: bankruptcy is just a pit stop, and the “Get Out of Jail Free” cards are golden. The real kicker?

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Libby Winkler

Freelance writer who loves exploring the messiness of humanity, while poking around in nooks of life and shining light on all the things that make us complex..